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Opposing Husbands

Author Topic: Opposing Husbands  (Read 16883 times)

sigungjoe

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Re:Opposing Husbands
« Reply #15 on: September 17, 2003, 06:20:00 PM »
Ive also seen where the student could not handle the training, or did not want to do a particular class, so he  blamed the wife for  not letting him come to classes.  

Karazenpo

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Re:Opposing Husbands
« Reply #16 on: September 19, 2003, 11:44:05 AM »
Sigung Joe, I couldn't agree with you more. I once had a student who kept bugging me that he wanted to do full contact. This was a long time ago but if I recall he came from a related kempo system and was around orange-purple belt level. I had some pretty tough guys around his rank that did like and do the contact but I knew this guy wasn't ready for it yet but he kept bugging me all the time. Finally, I agreed. I matched him as close as I could to height, weight and rank. I let them wear headgear and of course hands & feet. I started them off and in less then 10 seconds his opponent threw a jump front ball kick and to the chin and knocked him out. I brought him around, he was okay but that was it for the night. By his reaction, I told my staff he'll probably come back in a few days and tell me that his boss changed his hours and he wouldn't be able to take anymore or something like that. Well, a couple of days later he came in and told me he had to quit because he told his fiance what happened and she told him he had to quit! ::)  Yeah, right!  ;D  To me, guys like that only envision themselves dishing out the punishment but seem to forget that a true measure of their toughness is how much they can take not give! ;)  Respectfully, Shihan Joe

Offline Mell

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Re:Opposing Husbands
« Reply #17 on: September 23, 2003, 01:03:47 AM »
I've been married 12 years now.  My husband hates the bruises I come home with.  (I bruise easy).  He says what bothers him most is - he fears training injuries will have a negative long term effect on me, especially as I get older.  

My actual point is this, If I don't complain about my bruises and minor injuries, everything is good and he generally doesn't notice the few minor bumps I come home with.  So, stop complaining to your spouse.

I also agree with everyone else that if we continue to invest time in our relation with our spouse, they will not care that we spend time training.
« Last Edit: September 23, 2003, 01:04:45 AM by Mell »
Sibak Mellody Porter
ANDERSON MARTIAL ARTS - Grafton, Ohio
www.ohiokajukenbo.com
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Offline BB54

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Re:Opposing Husbands
« Reply #18 on: September 23, 2003, 12:17:15 PM »
Opposing spouses is an interesting topic.  It seems that other Kajukenbo schools have the same problem.  Kajukenbo is a Hard tough style.  As one gets older one tends to bruise easier.  That is wise to invest some time in the internal systems.  Tai Chi Chuan and Pa Qua Chang for instance.  The main problem is the internal arts are not as readily available in certain areas of the USA as the coastal areas.  Then there is the fact that some how the schools that are available do not teach the internal systems as a "Combat" art, which it is.  Herbal medicines are a must in this style to conteract the bruising.  Your right Mell more quality time with the spouse and less complaining.  However, if you do get "Banged Up" then the internal systems do promote the healing process. Common sense should dictate your work outs.  If you bang your head against a wall until it hurts but keep on banging your head against the wall then it is your fault that (A) you can work out as effectively, and (B) Your not going to get along with your spouse very well.
Brian Bruce Baxter. 8th Degree Black Belt Kajukenbo (Gaylord Method).  3rd Degree Black Belt Tracy's Kenpo Karate. 3rd Degree Black Belt Aikijitsu. 2nd Degree Black Belt Mu Duk Kwan.  22 years experience Yang Tai Chi Chuan.

Karazenpo

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Re:Opposing Husbands
« Reply #19 on: September 23, 2003, 01:07:51 PM »
In response to BB54, I understand your point but maybe in that case one could still stay with Kajukenbo but just go with the Tum Pai branch. Respectfully, Shihan Joe

Offline BB54

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Re:Opposing Husbands
« Reply #20 on: September 23, 2003, 02:20:44 PM »
Unfortunately, Tum Pai is still a small group. Tum Pai is primarily in South Washington State and Northern Oregon.   Professor Jon Loren is very knowlegeable about Medicinal Herbs. Prfessor Loren has a school and a Store all in one location in Brookings, Oregon.  I have watched over the years this branch of Kajukenbo develop.  Believe me when I say that just because it is a "soft" style does not take anything away from their "Fighting" ability. Every Black Belt I have seen in Tum Pai can hold their own against any "Hard" stylist whether Kajukenbo or not.  I have watched the workouts and they are just as demanding as the "Hard" Kajukenbo. I was on vacation a few years ago in the Brookings area and bought, what I call "lump oil".  Good stuff.  The school is on the web.  
Brian Bruce Baxter. 8th Degree Black Belt Kajukenbo (Gaylord Method).  3rd Degree Black Belt Tracy's Kenpo Karate. 3rd Degree Black Belt Aikijitsu. 2nd Degree Black Belt Mu Duk Kwan.  22 years experience Yang Tai Chi Chuan.

kajukembo

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Re:Opposing Husbands
« Reply #21 on: September 23, 2003, 02:52:39 PM »
What's the web adress? ;D

Offline BB54

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Re:Opposing Husbands
« Reply #22 on: September 23, 2003, 03:24:49 PM »
I will get back to you on the Web Address.  However, the business address is
NTL Northern Tai Chi Tum PAI Gung-Fu Association-Cl
745 Railroad Avenue, Brookings, OR 97415
(541) 469-3328

and / or

Tum PAI Herbs Oriental Western Medicinal
746 Railroad, Brookings, OR 97415
(541) 469-3328
Brian Bruce Baxter. 8th Degree Black Belt Kajukenbo (Gaylord Method).  3rd Degree Black Belt Tracy's Kenpo Karate. 3rd Degree Black Belt Aikijitsu. 2nd Degree Black Belt Mu Duk Kwan.  22 years experience Yang Tai Chi Chuan.

Offline Serene

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Re:Opposing Husbands
« Reply #23 on: September 26, 2003, 01:20:49 PM »
Prof Harper:  8)

I haven't  forgot about you.  :) I just haven't had enough time to write yet.  :o

But I will say this I take no offense to your comment about women are from hell. Cause you know and I know I'm not a women. IM SAMOAN.  ;D  :P

See you Sunday. My love to Mellody and the brothas.

Soifua,
 8)
Sifu Serene Terrazas
Head Instructor
Terrazas Kajukenbo
American Canyon, Ca.

Offline kempoxyz

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Re: Opposing Husbands
« Reply #24 on: March 04, 2009, 07:20:25 PM »
I wish my wife would study Kempo or Kajukenbo. She doesn't want to...To each their own I guess.
I believe men should support their wives in this endeavor. We need more women in Martial arts!

Offline Brandi Ross

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Re: Opposing Husbands
« Reply #25 on: March 04, 2009, 10:40:03 PM »
I wish my wife would study Kempo or Kajukenbo. She doesn't want to...To each their own I guess.
I believe men should support their wives in this endeavor. We need more women in Martial arts!

ATTENTION NEW AND OLD MEMBERS:  If your member name is a "nick name", WE REQUIRE that you please put your true name and affiliation in the "signature" section of your profile, so it appears at the bottom of your posts. 
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Offline Michael Groner

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Re: Opposing Husbands
« Reply #26 on: March 04, 2009, 11:32:21 PM »
I may be new to martial arts, but I've been married 19 and a half years. When I first signed up around 7 months ago for martial arts training my wife was opposed to it for 2 reasons - money, and the time commitment. I have heard people talk about the classes 2, 3 times a week, but I am already experienced enough to know that if you are committed, it is a LOT more than 3 hours a week. I practice and/or work out 6 days a week. As I progress, I know that the demands on me to need to study more, to continue to advance and to continue my learning curve - that is, keep it from plateauing, that this could actually require even more than I'm doing now. I think most spouses will probably see this as well, and so if they are already having a sour stomach regarding you in the martial arts, it's only going to get worse if you don't resolve it quickly and peacefully.

Now that I've been in the art for a while and my wife knows I am taking it seriously, and we have talked about it more and that it is important to me, she supports me.

The key to resolving any conflict in any relationship, regardless of the point of contention, and whether it is a spouse, lover, sibling, friend, co-worker, whatever - is communication. My suggestion to people who are having spousal issues of support for training, is to take your spouse out to dinner, just the two of you, and find out what exactly is the point of contention. WHAT is "it" that is the problem? Find out what "it" is, and then see if you can work with your spouse to fix "it".

Some examples of this, may be time together. OK, so like in my case, I know am spending Monday, wednesday, and FRIDAY nights at my Gwoon. Friday is the tough one, that was always date night. It's still actually a sore spot. So, as much as I hate to do so, I may have to miss a Friday class every now and then. This sucks, as Fridays are a different class altogether and quite frankly my most favorite class of the week, but I understand the importance of friday nights to my wife. I try to make Saturday nights work, but there WILL be times I will have to give up my Friday classes for her.

Perhaps it's another issue, such as responsibilities at home. Our art is not a "sport" as much as a life style, so it's just a matter of incorporating that into our home life. You definitely are taking on more things you have to do every week, possibly every day. You still have to do the dishes, mow the lawn, change baby diapers, whatever - none of that should be going away, and if you DO have children, you are passing parental burdens you normally carried onto your spouse when you have to go to class. If you find a way to make it up to them, you should be fine.

I have some considerable sales experience, and therefore it's my opinion that most objections can be overcome, you just need to know EXACTLY what they are. When you define them, if you care enough to try to make your spouse feel like you've properly addressed it, that you actually care about their concerns and are trying to resolve it to both of your satisfaction, then you will probably triumph, and win his or her support.

Communicate, communicate, communicate. Dictating and/or ignoring the situation will NOT make it go away, it will just fester and become a larger issue than it needs to be most of the time.



Hope that helps. Good luck.


That will be 5 cents, please.



Mike
« Last Edit: March 04, 2009, 11:36:32 PM by Michael Groner »
Michael Groner - Blue-Green Sash, Northern Kajukenbo Tum Pai Gung Fu
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Under Professor Doug Bailey

Offline KajuJKDFighter

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Re: Opposing Husbands
« Reply #27 on: March 05, 2009, 09:38:53 AM »
Very nice Mike.....
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Offline DKF1

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Re: Opposing Husbands
« Reply #28 on: March 05, 2009, 10:15:35 AM »
Mike that's excellent advice.I've been married for almost two years now (together for six) and this has always worked for us. Definitely well put and well worth 5 cents. I'd gladly pay you Tuesday!
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Offline V. F. Mateo

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Re: Opposing Husbands
« Reply #29 on: March 05, 2009, 03:16:56 PM »
Mike

Excellent key words of commitment, finances, and communication. All important in our daily life. It is so common that our egos and the stress makes it all the more difficult. The upbringing of one has a behavioral trait that follows and our society at times dictates our moods. Prayer and meditation along with healing our wounds.....

I over heard one of the GM's speaking and joking around....wife Fu is the commander in chief at home  ;). At the dojo/kwoon....I am the boss.  :)

Frank Mateo
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